I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who experiences same-sex attraction. When Elder Holland gave his famous 2021 BYU address to faculty–since dubbed "the musket fire" talk by critics–I had a reaction that would probably surprise people:
I felt empowered.
Finally, an apostle of the Lord was speaking directly about LGBTQ activism and the discord it can sow. But when I saw the onslaught of backlash, it surprised and discouraged me. Friends that I never expected to disparage an apostle–and the doctrine he lovingly taught–did so without hesitation.
This opened my eyes to a sobering reality: many people that I love didn’t agree with the church’s stance on marriage and family.
Usually, when you hear about “sexual minorities” feeling a sense of isolation in religious settings, the isolation comes from feeling left out because of religious bigotry. Here, if there was any sense of isolation, it came from my own shock at how many of my peers were willing to abandon the fight to uphold the traditional family in an age of shifting values.
My Time at BYU
Because of my experience with same-sex attraction, many assume I’d wish BYU were less committed to its Honor Code. But like in so many other instances of people putting me into boxes, the opposite is true.
The Honor Code wasn’t an obstacle to my flourishing; it was one of the primary reasons I flourished.
When it comes to LGBTQ issues in the church, many conflate standards with harm and affirmation with flourishing. They assume the best thing institutions like BYU could do is relax standards like the Honor Code.
The idea is simple: standards are difficult to live, and sexual minorities sometimes struggle, so if we can relax the standards, they’ll thrive. The problem is, there’s no evidence to make that case.
In fact, the best data we have on Latter-day Saint youth who identify as LGBTQ shows a different story. Youth who identify as LGBTQ fare best when they also identify as religious, with Latter-day Saints faring best. Of course, data is merely a tool and should never be used to replace people. Individual circumstances of tragedy and hardship have and do happen, but when looking at ways to help a demographic, we have to look at the full picture.
And this data presents a picture far different from the story that religion is harmful for teens who identify as LGBTQ.
Aside from the obvious prestige and low cost, I came to BYU to surround myself with peers who were determined to live the values of our faith. Academically, I wanted to learn the language of digital media to help share my convictions. But more importantly, I wanted to learn how to provide for the eternal family I eventually wanted to build; the one I’ve been so blessed to find. At the same time, I wanted a school that would help me have as many spiritual experiences as possible.
For me, the honor code wasn’t a punishment. It represented a shared commitment to a common spiritual goal with my peers. It made the institution a spiritual haven that allowed me to see the faith of my peers in action, which continues to bless me to this day. It put me in a physical location where I could run into spiritual giants on the way to a class, or while stopped at a vending machine.
Quoting Elder Holland,
“BYU will become an ‘educational Mt. Everest’ only to the degree it embraces its uniqueness, its singularity. We could mimic every other university in the world until we got a bloody nose in the effort, and the world would still say, ‘BYU who?’ No, we must have the will to be different and to stand alone, if necessary, being a university second to none in its role primarily as an undergraduate teaching institution that is unequivocally true to the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.”
Yes, I could’ve gone to a more secular school and found success. And yes, I could’ve learned a lot and met a wider variety of people with other perspectives, but I wouldn’t have had the unique experience of being surrounded by peers who encouraged me to live my faith. And it’s the Honor Code that helps make that possible.
Advocacy vs Gospel
Modern advocacy narratives around LGBTQ issues offer to help people alleviate dissonance by uncovering their true identity. The Restored Gospel helps us recognize that the world doesn't know the first thing about our true identity.
President Nelson wisely counseled us to center our identities in our understanding of who God is, who we are, and what our relationship with Him is. Modern advocacy encourages us to root our identities in our thoughts, feelings, and desires.
Although I didn’t have President Nelson’s language at the time as a student, I was still presented with two clear directions: elevate my sexuality to the status of “identity,” or keep it as an “identifier.”
There was a political movement that represented the first option, and at different times in my life, some of what they offered appealed to different parts of me. But ultimately (and thankfully), I determined it wasn’t rooted in values optimized to help me live my faith.
That decision, and others like it, have and continue to bless me to this day.
This week, my 4-year-old daughter showed me the comic book my wife helped her make. That interaction alone was enough to make up for any historical hardship I’ve experienced trying to reconcile my same-sex attraction with my faith.
First, because it was a tender moment with my child, which touched my heart. Second, because it reminded me of the amazing wife I have, whom I love very much and whose impact on my life could never be overstated; she truly is a blessing I try not to take for granted, especially considering the fact that my situation isn’t within reach for everyone in my situation. And lastly, because it reminded me of my eternal identity.
Reflecting on it now, it’s an echo into eternity, reminding me of the God who made me, the Savior who suffered for me, and the destiny I have as a Child of God.
Conclusion
BYU’s mission isn’t simply to educate students; it’s to educate disciples. It surrounds us with peers who have committed themselves to living a “higher law” in academia that makes spiritual experiences more likely to occur.
Nearly 5 years since Elder Holland gave his address, we have to ask ourselves: Are we living up to the admonitions he gave? Whether we’re actively attending BYU or not, are we helping it stand out as an “educational Mt. Everest?” Are we creating the spiritual haven that we want our children to attend?
It will continue to get harder to do so in the environment we’re living in, but the need for it remains.
To continue Elder Holland's words:
“...we must have the will to be different and to stand alone, if necessary, being a university second to none in its role primarily as an undergraduate teaching institution that is unequivocally true to the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. If at a future time that mission means foregoing some professional affiliations and certifications, then so be it…No one wants it to come to that, least of all me, but if it does, we will pursue our own destiny, a ‘destiny [that] is not a matter of chance;'"
People often ask what BYU should do to serve students like me. My answer is surprisingly simple: continue being the school that brought me there in the first place.
Stay family-focused, Christ-centered, and built on both high love and high expectations.
Skyler Sorensen graduated from BYU with a bachelor’s in media arts in 2021, with an emphasis on nonfiction cinematography and editing. Now working as a video producer, and video editor, he and his wife have 3 children, two still living. Click here for links to his social media, where he provides faithful commentary on LGBT issues.
