“Dr Wilcox shared that though marriage and parenthood are viewed as less important than friends and a career for a fulfilling life, being married, specifically being in a “very happy marriage,” is predictive of being up to 545% happier than those who are unmarried.”
W. Bradford Wilcox, Sociology Professor and Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, spoke on the importance of marriage at BYU’s forum address on November 28.
Dr. Wilcox’s address summarized the main points of his new book, Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization, which comes out this upcoming Valentine’s Day. He began his address by discussing the myth of King Midas. When the gods promised Midas the granting of one wish, he wished that everything he touched would turn to gold. With this foolish wish granted, Midas could not eat, he could not enjoy many of the normal pleasures of life, and worst of all, his beloved daughter was mistakenly turned to gold, all because he put riches above all things.
Dr. Wilcox repeatedly referred to this Midas mindset—materialism, workism, and individualism—and noted that placing mammon as the highest good is not only detrimental to an individual’s well-being but also to our society; this Midas mindset has been pervasive throughout our society, and, as a result, marriage has been attacked from the left and the right.
“Taken together, the messages we’re getting from primarily left-wing voices that dominate our mainstream organs of opinion is that marriage is often an obstacle to living your best life, particularly for women. Instead, you’re supposed to live a life dedicated to ‘radical self-love.’”
Dr. Wilcox also recognized the so-called “red pill right” and its anti-marriage proponents, such as Pearl Davis and Andrew Tate; this subset of the right argues men ought not to get married as the advantages do not outweigh the real and possible disadvantages that are present in today’s legal, social, and political landscape.
Attacks from both sides of the political spectrum are focused primarily on the Midas and mammon-focused mindset, which Wilcox argued does not bring nearly as much happiness or fulfillment as a good marriage. The justification he hears from students and others is that relationships and the realm of love and emotion carry too much risk, and a career and other more worldly accolades are far more stable and, therefore, more worth investing time into.
Dr. Wilcox shared that though marriage and parenthood are viewed as less important than friends and a career for a fulfilling life, being married, specifically being in a “very happy marriage,” is predictive of being up to 545% happier than those who are unmarried. Religious attendance, a factor often cited as a good indicator of increased happiness, is not close to the statistical significance of marriage.
Dr. Wilcox identified four groups of people that are succeeding in marriage:
- Asian Americans
- Conservatives
- The Faithful
- Strivers (i.e., those who are college-educated).
Wilcox found that their marriages are “Family-First Marriages,” which are characteristic of five pillars or five C’s:
- Communion (i.e., a “we before me” mindset)
- Children
- Commitment
- Cash
- Community
The last half of the address focused on the aspects of communion, commitment, and community.
Communion is characterized by putting the relationship and the family before self-interest. As an example, Wilcox discussed the idea of having a joint bank account as a foundation, which leads to a “virtue cycle of sharing cooperation and trust that [is] good for [a] rock-solid marriage.”
Dr. Wilcox explained that commitment refers to the permanence that accompanies marriage and the importance of sexual fidelity and that the importance of commitment extends to those who are neither conservative nor religious.
“In the research on commitment and marriage, what we see is that in one very large study of more than 11,000 couples, the number one predictor of relationship quality for couples was the perception that your partner was committed to you.”
The final pillar discussed by Dr. Wilcox was community, specifically religious community, and the tradition that comes with faith and religion. Wilcox explained that having a shared faith in a marriage increases the likelihood of a happy marriage.
Dr. Wilcox closed with the summary that “it is a big mistake to put mammon before marriage” and left with an injunction to replace the Midas mindset with a marriage mindset built upon selflessness, loyalty, and strengthening each other in an uplifting community.
Written by: Jacob Fisher
Contributor at the Cougar Chronicle
The Cougar Chronicle is an independent student-run newspaper and is not affiliated with Brigham Young University or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
