BYU Rocked By Lack of Palestine Protests, Anti-Semitism

This week, BYU staff and students were shocked when hundreds of students didn’t show up to protest the recent actions of the Israeli government in the ongoing Israel-Palestine War. A massive encampment of tents was not set up on Cougar Plaza, and BYU Police were not dispatched to tamp down unrest on campus. In fact, the campus was so undisrupted that classes stopped entirely for a short while- although some students have asserted that this is simply because the Winter Semester ended.

In a particularly shocking turn of events, dozens of students didn’t break into the Heber J. Grant Building, which was not occupied by the protestors until police dragged them out. One student speculated that this might be because the Grant Building has an ominous reputation on campus as the site where thousands of past students have suffered under the terrible oppression of college exams, a situation almost as tyrannical as Columbia University’s refusal to provide free DoorDash meals to the protestors occupying Hamilton Hall, violating the fundamental human right to Universal Fast Food Delivery.

The administration was particularly concerned when no masked student protestors tore down the American flag flying outside the Smoot Administration Building, chanting “One solution, revolution! Globalize the Intifiada!” Even more controversially, no Jewish students were attacked by protestors, who did not block them from attending their classes.

Activists did not provide the university with a manifesto of 53 points, the majority of which consisted of providing activists with cushy jobs in the university administration as faculty and bureaucrats and funding student scholarships for students with interests that conveniently overlap with the interests of the protestors.

When questioned about why their protest movement was not larger, one activist did not respond by saying, “BYU students and faculty, it seems, are more interested in academics, faith, and family matters than in trashing institutions and inconveniencing their fellow man to promote a radically unpopular political agenda. I bet that if fewer students were married or attended church, we’d have a lot more people here. So that’s something we’re hoping to change.”

Written by: Joseph Addington

Senior Contributor and Editor at the Cougar Chronicle

The Cougar Chronicle is an independent student-run newspaper and is not affiliated with Brigham Young University or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints